I'm sick of crying. It started about an hour ago.
First of all let me say this: I don't, as a rule, cry. Pretty much ever. It's not a macho thing it's just that I deal with emotions differently. Today's school shooting brought me to tears (lots of tears). My first reaction, like everyone, was one of shock followed by sadness. The sadness didn't bring forth tears, it never does. Within minutes the sadness was replaced with rage. Rage DOES make me cry on the rare occasion I let it get the better of me.
How DARE he kill anyone needlessly much less children?
While the fury coursed its way through my brain I was flooded with thoughts. I walked into my bedroom and saw the bags of gifts, most for my own children, waiting to be wrapped.
How dare he make those parents look at their own unwrapped gifts for children no longer living?
Then I began to mull over my own plans for the Holidays, how I'm looking forward to baking cookies with Miss B, playing games with K.
How dare he ruin the plans those unfortunate parents already had for their own children?
I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of being angry with no one to vent my frustration towards.
I'm sick of already reading people trying to politicize this tragedy. I agree with what's being said but now is not the time. There has long been a need for change and this tragedy only serves to solidify that fact but now is not the time. Now is the time for love in the face of tragic events.
I want to hug my children tightly, tell them how much they mean to me, and never, EVER let go.
I want to wave a magic wand and bring back those 18 children so that their parents can hug them tight, tell them how much they mean, and never let them go.
